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August 15 sunny dayit is really hard for me to get started with this type of narration. typing words here makes me feel a little bit strange anyway.
i have been stranded in a undescribablely weird mood for a long time, and i am still struggling. maybe that is why i must type something out of me so that i might get a bit released.
the other day my boyfriend bought me some beautiful lilies. i put them in the sun today and looked at them-- there it is, a revitalizing moment dawns on me. i wonder if all flowers have got fairies in them. even if they don't have any whatsoever, i feel the magic.
it is not the first time that i realize the disturbing truth that i am not a teenager anymore. so i often have to remind myself that things changes fast and time waits for no one. what is more, people comes and they always leave. how can i keep something that i really trully treasure forever? oh maybe i can not. after all 'forever' it too much to ask for. and even if this kind of thing exists, i will not know it until i come to the end of my time. will i be happy at that moment? or will i be sad for noticing it so late? i'd rather i have not pondered upon that stupid question.
i remember one of my friends told me that she was so grateful for having me in her life. i feel the same way. however, we talked less and less since college. i am always afraid that one day i will lose her without noticing it at all. by saying 'lose her' i mean we will lose the kindred spirit between us. and that will be dreadful.
but on a second thought, how much does 'talks' matter? maybe we are born the same people, and something inside us is unchangeable. i know, that sounds much more like a wish than a fact.
memories fly around my mind and they are flying too fast for me to catch. the only thing i know is that i am growing up and moving on along the road of time. i am puzzled because of many things. how do i chose my next route and which way is more attractive? or shall i stop to look around for a while? or am i the wrong person at the wrong place in the wrong time? Jesus Christ! i have no idea.
i looked at my flowers. they seems happy and satisfied. but little prince says that flowers are so inconsistent. then i shall never know what their message is. so I never ought to listen to the flowers. one should simply look at them and breathe their fragrance. mine perfumed all my room. but i did not know how to take pleasure in all their grace.
now calm down evelyn, and just breathe. it is just a sunny Friday in August.
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